You're in it for you. NOT HIM!

The reason I struggle with relationships is that I’ve learned what the long-lasting ones consist of {Compromise, Care, & Selflessness} but I just cannot seem to find a partner in life who wants to create a true partnership and a strong bond. Something isn't working... so let's examine my relationship-y self...

Because I’ve seen what it takes to have a lasting relationship, it doesn’t mean that I know how to achieve that. I rush things. I forget to have fun. I put the other person before myself way too soon and lose my own identity.

My most recent relationship was a mess. He had baggage and I had baggage. The timing was completely horrible…but I learned so much about who I am. What a blessing.

A love list for future me:

1.       Quit trying to soothe the other person’s insecurities.

- Don’t say things until you truly mean them and don’t say things because you think that’s what they want to hear.

2.       Always be your goofy self.

- I have the most fun when I don’t care about what others think… however I’m usually only completely myself when meeting strangers for the first time (because I don’t need to impress them) and when I’m with family and friends that I know love me no matter what.

3.       Quit being too overbearing.

- It’s so easy to fall head over heels when you find out the guy you’re with is absolutely the most incredible person you’ve met. I didn’t want to ruin things so I tried to be very careful and tried too hard to make him feel wonderful all the time. In hindsight, I totally smothered him with too much affection and being far too forward. Your love is something any man should treasure if he receives it. Do not give it away easily.

4.       Start asking yourself what you want

- So I cared a lot about him, but when I don’t get that care reciprocated, I end up with a lowered self-esteem. I lose. I need to show myself love above anyone else. That is the only way I can ever allow myself to feel love from others.

5.       Don’t put too much importance on the other person.

- When you treat someone like they are important to you and mean a lot, it actually can backfire. Instead of them accepting the wonders of your care and affection, they can soak it all up and rob you of your life. Don’t give another person that kind of power until they are actually worth it all.

6.       Make sure the other person is worth it.

- Let the fun stage last as long as possible. If you start to not enjoy it anymore, ask yourself why! Did you give yourself away too soon? Were they ever going to give you a chance in the first place? Be on the same page as the other person and as soon as you realize things won’t work out, end it.

7.       Don’t chase after a man who doesn’t chase you first.

- If he really wants you and realizes how wonderful you are, you will matter. If he doesn’t see those things, then you will never matter.

8.       If things won’t work out from the beginning, don’t force them.

- Trust in the plan the universe has for you. Accept only a man who truly wants to fulfill your desires… don’t hang onto false hopes and dreams. If he doesn’t open up, don’t force it. Just walk away. You’ll be better off.

9.       Don’t be afraid to fill your schedule.

- Don’t be so accessible for him to call or hang out. That reeks of desperation. You’re not desperate, so why are you acting like it? Yes, he’s awesome…but you’ll enjoy your time much more if it’s hard to come by. Trust me!!!

10.   Don’t get dependent.

- It’s so important for you to remain the strong independent woman you are. But it is okay to let people into your heart too. Sometimes you make the wrong judgment about men, but don’t blame yourself. You probably had false and misleading evidence to go off of.

Be mad. If things upset you, then just be mad about it already. Let it out. Don’t hold grudges. Be mad and be done. Quit falling for guys that are emotionally completely unavailable. Don’t be tempted to want what you can’t have. I know it’s so hard to stay away from a challenge, but you’ll probably be happier with a really nice guy…as long as he isn’t boring and has feasible aspirations for great things.

As long as you remain yourself and don’t make the same relationship mistakes over and over, you’ll be golden. Plus, the guy who is out there just waiting for you won’t really mind any of your quirks. He’ll find you endearing. He'll always want you so just be you. You’re only being honest if you’re true to you. You’re in it for you.